today is may 28 2009. 27 yrs ago i woke up in a hospital with a nurse picking at my head, picking? yes, she was removing glass from my skin and hair, i could barely focus on her, everything was bathed in a weird light and i did not know where i was, lieing there under a sheet in an emergency room.
when i asked the nurse what was going on, she jumped, and said shit, we thought you were not going to Wake up! ever!!
i was cleaning you up...for viewing?, i asked.
god, what did i know. i asked for my husband and for our baby, i asked what the hell wqs going on, i asked a lot of things. why was i here? where the helll was my family. i was sure that my husband had pulled a prank, his sister worked in a hospital, he was the KING of practical jokes, maybe this was one? i was so sure.
this nurse is telling me that i was in a wreck and that my husband and baby were dead...no just some dumb joke. she told me i was injured fairly badly...she was cleaning me up for real now, thet thought i might never wake up all, bad head injury. brain was swelled, i had been out for over 8 hours, thought i might not wake up ever. it was a very bad wreck. drunk driver hit us going about 90 mph we were doing at least 70, do the math.
my husband and bay were killed. the baby so they say was killed on impact, my husband lived awhile. me, i'm alive, i have another life, but, that life lives on in me. always there, always alive.
s i have amde it all these years without breaking down all the way, tonite feels close.
some years i do fine. my current family is so caught up in there own lives they can not even remember this is a day for me. nor do they remember that 10 days ago was the baby boys birthday, he was 1 year and 10 days old when he died.
we had been married almost two years, funny how we met. i went on a blind date with a friend, we went to her dates friends house for something, pulled into the yard, the music was so loud i thought there was a live band. i walked into the house to use the bathroom, the music was from a stereo...god so loud tried to turn it down, could not figure out the controls. walked toward the kitchen, looked to my left,,,there was the bathroom, with a naked man standing in it who had just removed himself from the shower!! he did not even flinch. just kept drying his hair and ears.said something, how you doing? I'm not sure, something.
from that day on he was at my house everyday with a rose, whether i answered the door or not, there was the rose. he loved me.
20 days later we were married in a chapel in Carson city, Nevada, we lived there anyway!

so now i have to let go of my pain and take care of my oldest girls youngest daughter who is scared of thunder storms...the daughter needs to get up at 430....am.......
never anytime for me.

living and learning?

Well, haven't written here in soooo long. The house we were remodeling lost the funding last October when banks were pulling up stakes on the little guys and we being some of the littlest lost our contract to finish the home. The owner showed up one day and informed us that she was out of money and we were done.....Since we were living in the home at the time, she wanted us to move, by the next weekend!!! one and one half weeks before Thanksgiving. Suffice to say, we were not out by Christmas, having copped an attitude of, well you can figure that out. Fine, EXPLANATION: we didn't have any other work, no place to go in a week and we were supposed to be living in that home for a minimum of five years, till the place was finished and then reduced rent till the two homes we were to build on the front half of the property were complete. Now, we need to move in no time so this womans non-building Son could finish? Where was he when we tore all the icky stuff out and replaced all the drywall, flooring, walls, added rooms, enlarged the first bathroom by 10 feet, tore out the tile for that and placed the two ton beam so we could enlarge the kitchen? etc., he was waiting in the wings to take over when the building was easier in his mind....yet. There was and is still so much to do that he could never handle. The kitchen was never finished, all the mold and such is gone but the kitchen remains as is...we were living in the mess to remodel such a large home but we were doing so by knowing all would be well soon. So much for that! Anyway, the son decided we cost too much and he could do it cheaper by quitting his job in Idaho, marrying his girlfriend and moving back home......though his parents had been subsidizing his existence so far and the DAD was tired of it, the Mom( as most Moms tend to do) was in favor of supporting the boy and allowing him to be a jerk.( so say my daughters!!) The very sad part of this whole scenario is that the DAD died from complications of DIABETES in the middle of November.
So, here we are, a family of four two legged in residence with our pets numbering 7 four footers, 2 winged and 2 finned, plus the veggie garden and the flowers we nurtured.... trying to figure out where we are to go on such short notice with the HOLIDAYS coming. GOD!!! Now what. We stayed and fought. She has lost so far.
Now, I am in North Carolina at this time since our son-in-law was deployed to Kuwait in January and the oldest daughter has two girls, aged at 3 and 2,and she is trying to go to school she is and cannot afford daycare, I was ELECTED to move here for a year and resume a life I thought over, namely raising babies. At least not from scratch this time!!! So, there is more, such as my husband and I apparently losing the war of this stressful time and breaking off our 28 yr relationship. Sucks, that part. the rest can be. I miss my husband.