today is may 28 2009. 27 yrs ago i woke up in a hospital with a nurse picking at my head, picking? yes, she was removing glass from my skin and hair, i could barely focus on her, everything was bathed in a weird light and i did not know where i was, lieing there under a sheet in an emergency room.
when i asked the nurse what was going on, she jumped, and said shit, we thought you were not going to Wake up! ever!!
i was cleaning you up...for viewing?, i asked.
god, what did i know. i asked for my husband and for our baby, i asked what the hell wqs going on, i asked a lot of things. why was i here? where the helll was my family. i was sure that my husband had pulled a prank, his sister worked in a hospital, he was the KING of practical jokes, maybe this was one? i was so sure.
this nurse is telling me that i was in a wreck and that my husband and baby were dead...no just some dumb joke. she told me i was injured fairly badly...she was cleaning me up for real now, thet thought i might never wake up all, bad head injury. brain was swelled, i had been out for over 8 hours, thought i might not wake up ever. it was a very bad wreck. drunk driver hit us going about 90 mph we were doing at least 70, do the math.
my husband and bay were killed. the baby so they say was killed on impact, my husband lived awhile. me, i'm alive, i have another life, but, that life lives on in me. always there, always alive.
s i have amde it all these years without breaking down all the way, tonite feels close.
some years i do fine. my current family is so caught up in there own lives they can not even remember this is a day for me. nor do they remember that 10 days ago was the baby boys birthday, he was 1 year and 10 days old when he died.
we had been married almost two years, funny how we met. i went on a blind date with a friend, we went to her dates friends house for something, pulled into the yard, the music was so loud i thought there was a live band. i walked into the house to use the bathroom, the music was from a stereo...god so loud tried to turn it down, could not figure out the controls. walked toward the kitchen, looked to my left,,,there was the bathroom, with a naked man standing in it who had just removed himself from the shower!! he did not even flinch. just kept drying his hair and ears.said something, how you doing? I'm not sure, something.
from that day on he was at my house everyday with a rose, whether i answered the door or not, there was the rose. he loved me.
20 days later we were married in a chapel in Carson city, Nevada, we lived there anyway!

so now i have to let go of my pain and take care of my oldest girls youngest daughter who is scared of thunder storms...the daughter needs to get up at 430....am.......
never anytime for me.